Supermarket Reading and Halloween Grocery Sacks

Who decides what magazines go on the racks at supermarkets? I want to know who this person or persons (it must be a conspiracy of at least a few) is/are. Whoever it is, they must be sex-crazed gun and auto nuts that are into planning weddings. Tonight at the Reasor's I had forgotten what I was looking for (happens often) when I found myself standing in front of the magazine racks. Well, while I'm here I might as well see if they have the latest issue of Scientific American. Ummm. Well, they have Guns & Ammo and American Metal over there. There's Rod and Steel, Soldier of Fortune, Heavy Metal, and Maxim there. No, it wouldn't be there. Up here are the women's magazines, Redbook, Home & Garden, Sixteen, etc, etc. Every one of them had a big headline about how to have super sex and satisfy their man. Who are these women who are obsessed with sex? Where are they? I know where they aren't - anywhere within sight. There must be over 100 publications before my eyes and not a one of them is the least bit cerebral in nature. Every magazine is designed to appeal to testosterone, homemaking, or the most mindless of pastimes. Forget Scientific American, they don't even carry Popular Science. Do college graduates not shop for groceries? Is there a secret food supply for the thinking part of society that I don't know about?

I was awakened from my fog by loud voices from the checkout stand. A portly lady in a sweatsuit was refusing to have her groceries bagged in a paper sack adorned with Halloween bats and ghosts. It was "unholy" she was telling the checkout lady. "God doesn't like Halloween!", she squealed. The checkout lady accommodated her with a plain, blank sack. How appropriate I thought.