I sense that someone is writing a $500,000 check


Sunday night I was skimming the cable channels when I happened across TBN, the Trinity Broadcasting Network, a Christian TV network. An attractive woman was gesticulating wildly at the camera and telling me that she knew I had $84 ready to give to the Lord and all I had to do was walk to the phone and call. Her style was mesmerizing. She rocked forwards and backwards into the camera lens, her long-nailed fingers wrapped around a large mike. Her arms moved with the smooth flow and rhythm of a Balinese dancer. Tall, thin and blond she was unlike any TV evangelist I had ever seen. Words flowed from between her lips in a non-stop stream begging me to give to the Lord via TBN. She promised that I'd realize a ten-fold increase as a result of my giving. In the background a couple of young men, one black, one white, mouthed inaudible words - of praise I assume.

Then I noticed another lady in the background. She had the biggest hair I've ever seen on a head. To know what that means you've got to know that I've been to a Jehovah's Witnesses convention AND to an Andy Williams performance. This lady still had the biggest hair I've ever seen. And more dark eye shadow than Tammy Faye Baker. I'd seen her on TV before. I think she is a co-founder of TBN. Five minutes of this was interesting but I moved on to other things.

A half-hour later I surf back to TBN and the tall blonde is still going non-stop. She's telling me that she senses that someone listening is going to give $500,000 today. Well now I'm sure she's not talking to me. Wait! Now she says she senses someone who is going to give $5,000. She's headed downmarket. I switch it off before we make a connection. This is dangerous stuff. She's good.