Face-to-face

We were eating pizza at the Incredible Pizza place tonight when in my peripheral vision I noticed two enormous pallid butt cheeks staring at me from a chair at the next table. Upon closer inspection (I couldn't help it) I saw that they belonged to an overweight man in a Hawaiian shirt. A huge gap between the back of his shirt and his trousers framed the hairest butt I've ever seen. A whorl of black hairs poked from the anterior crack - obscuring the elastic of his underwear.

This should be a criminal offense at an all-you-can-eat restaurant. I didn't get my money's worth tonight.