Saturday, February 05, 2005

Unflattering Proximity

A few days ago I was in a lady's office and noticed a framed 8x10 on her credenza. It was a Glamour Shots photo of an attractive young lady so I asked if it was her daughter. "No, that's me!" she said. Wow, it's amazing what Glamour Shots can do I thought to myself. Let me recommend that if you get a Glamour Shot photo of yourself to always keep it in a different room than the one you are in.

Friday, February 04, 2005

An Almighty Wind

I just don't know what to say about the Almighty Wind. See what you think.
Four Horsemen and an Antichrist

Last Sunday Pastor continued his series on Revelations and the end times. The tsunamis, mudslides, wars etc are telling us something. He focused on the "signs and wonders" that portend the Rapture and the Tribulations by showing us slides that proved that the stage for the European antichrist was set - just as foretold in Revelations! One slide was a photo of the symbol of the EU, a lady on a beast (foretold in Revelations!) and a parliament building recently erected in Strasbourg, Germany that closely resembled the Tower of Babel (oh those Europeans! - they're playing with fire) etc etc. Since the sermon I've been looking for a reference to Europe in the Bible but I can't find it.

While listening to the Pastor go on and on about the end times and all the details (four horsemen, two wardrobe malfunctions, three cracks in the Earth, seven vials and an iPod) I was thinking that the Big Father in the Sky looking down on this must be rolling with laughter over how silly we are and how far off the mark we've gotten. We're so wrapped up in the meaningless minutiae of dogma that we don't see what's really important.
It Started with SpongeBob

Until the Rev. James Dobsen of Focus on the Family brought it to my attention in regard to SpongeBob SquarePants I really hadn't noticed it. SpongeBob does occasionally hold hands with his animated sidekick Patrick and likes to watch the imaginary television show "The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy." Maybe there really is an insidious conspiracy to turn our children into flaming homosexuals!

Once tuned in to the subliminal conspiracy I've begun to notice it everywhere. Last week it was Oklahoma State Senator James Williamson holding hands with Tulsa City Councilor Jim Mautino in a photo on the front page of the Tulsa World! Williamson's anti-gay marriage bills have been a clever diversion from a truth too painful to face? Then on Thursday night I just about spilled my TV dinner when none other than President George W Bush, after delivering his State of the Union speech, reaches out and kisses US Senator Joe Lieberman! Good God, I thought. Is Dr. Dobsen watching this? This nasty strain of mano e mano love is no longer restricted to our animated heros - it goes all the way to the top. Dr. Dobsen save us!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Volunteering isn't So Easy

I went recently to the Victory Christian Center's Dream Center in north Tulsa to try to volunteer to help the low income people that come to the center for assistance or recreation. I didn't realize I'd get the third degree. I was given a questionaire only slightly shorter that what I imagine the CIA would use. Among the questions I was asked to answer were:

  • Have you kept yourself from immoral sexual activity such as fornication and adultery for at least the last 12 months?
  • Have you kept yourself from pornography (including movies rated R, X, or NC-17) for at least the last 12 months?
  • Have you kept yourself from ever practicing homosexuality or incest?
  • Do you pray regularly?
  • Are you currently living with your spouse?
  • Do you read the Bible regularly?

They also wanted a personal testimony, a criminal records check, a history of my residences.

I'm currently looking for an opportunity to volunteer somewhere that will let me help without doing a total dump of my private information and my most personal thoughts and beliefs.