Saturday, June 07, 2003

President Bush. Don't Hold Back!

Today, I noticed an enigmatic billboard in Oklahoma. It's plain, it's ambiguous, it's a tremendous waste of someone's money. It's black and white and says only "President Bush, Don't hold back!" "Hold back on what?", I think. What does this inane statement mean? Is it the Israeli lobby wanting Bush to bag the Palestinians? Is it Forbes wanting Bush to wipe out all taxes rich people have to pay? Is it the oil industry wanting Bush to remove all restrictions on environmental destruction? It could be anything. A search of the Internet reveals nothing about this billboard or campaign. What bugs me is the sheer waste of money to put up a billboard so ambiguous that it says nothing other than the sponsor seems to like something Bush is doing, or about to do. It also says the sponsor has far more money than he/she/it has sense.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Hey, ClearChannel! Look here. Hey, come on!

I'm celebrating this week because the FCC loosened restrictions on giant media conglomerates buying up competing media in the same market. I predict blogging will go commercial and I'm ready to make the move. I've already notified ClearChannel Communications that OkiePundit is up for sale. I await their negotiating team.
Jews for Guns Group Surfaces

If you have been looking for a Jewish organization fighting gun control I've got good news for you. Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership is not only fighting gun control but is also out to educate the public on how gun control resulted in the death camps of Nazi Germany. I imagine they will soon release an expose on the link between gun control and 9-11. This is the link-up I feared - when Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership links arms with the Charismatics for Handguns the show's over. Might as well issue me the obligatory handgun now.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Hay Patterns Linked to Agro-Terrorism

Sources at the Dept. of Homeland Farms report that scientists at the University of Northern Oklahoma have developed a methodology for fighting agro-terrorism. Using a maize-based grant from the Bush Administration the researchers conducted secret research utilizing aerial photo surveillance of farmers' fields throughout Oklahoma. "We were doing research on psychoanalyzing farmers by looking at how they distribute those rolls of hay around their farms", said Telmus Bizmo of UNO. "The original intent was to develop an early warning system to detect farmers experiencing pre-depression symptoms when we noticed that foreign farmers from suspect countries use distinctly different distribution patterns for hay bale distribution. I think we have further defined our analysis to the point that we are able to select out terrorists posing as harmless farmers."

"Without giving away too much, our research shows a correlation between a certain style of hay bale distribution pattern and terrorist intentions", said Bizmo. " We still have some challenges distinguishing terrorist-farmers from those simply experiencing mild forms of angst but we feel fairly confident that we will get this ironed out and the farmers that were unfortunately mistaken for terrorists will soon recover with a clean bill of mental health."

The source explained that terrorists can change their appearance, but it is very difficult to change the way they place hay around a field. The way people place hay bales can be highly individual and recognizable.

Monday, June 02, 2003

JuzCuz - A view from Retail

Thanks to Flyovercountry I just found a new (to me) Oklahoma blogger called JusCuz. He/she has an entry today about his/her experience in retail. As JusCuz points out a lot of people are rewarded with discounts if they are willing to act like jerks. JusCuz doesn't like to see retailers coddle jerks and reward them for being a societal debit. I'm with JusCuz on this - jerks suck.

Speaking of jerks, where does this word originate? Here's what Wordorigins has to say:

A jerkwater train was originally a small locomotive that serviced branch lines. Its small boiler requiring frequent filling by train crews which would have to dismount, form a bucket brigade, and jerk water from a river to feed the steam engine. The term dates to the 1870s and is American in origin. The term jerkwater town eventually came to mean any rustic or backwards town, along a train line or not.

Finally, the most common usage of jerk, meaning a fool or inept person, probably derives from jerkwater. A jerk being a resident of a jerkwater town. This usage dates to the 1930s.

I particularly object to the driving jerks that will do anything to cut in front of other people with the civility to queue, or wait their turn. There is a telephone number in Oklahoma that witnesses to littering can call to report the license tag numbers of litterers. I wish we had a number to call to report jerk drivers. But, somehow I think a letter of reprimand to these people would only result in more littering.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

Goober Award Delayed

There has been an unexpected tie in the Legislative Goober Award count. Our auditing firm of Dewie Loosim & Howe is going back over all the ballots to see if any hanging chads were inadvertently not counted. We hope to have the final results by Tuesday. We apologize for any inconvenience.