Bush Issues "Regrets" after U.S. Attack On Oklahoma

WASHINGTON DC - In the wee hours of Sunday morning President Bush held a press conference to issue a statement of regret about the invasion of Oklahoma by U.S. troops. Just hours after crack Black Division units had been withdrawn from positions around Norman, Oklahoma the unusual midnight press conference was carried on WB and UPN. U.S. troops had begun the invasion within two hours after the University of Oklahoma's Sooners had defeated the Texas Longhorns for the third straight year. At 6:49 P.M. Eastern Time wire stories alerted a shocked nation that the Bush Administration had placed Oklahoma on the "Axis of Evil" list with Iraq, Iran, and North Korea.

"I was just kidding," said Bush. "Okay, I lost my temper and made a few statements I shouldn't have but an over-anxious aide took me more serious (sic) than I had meant it to be taken." Unnamed sources at the White House identified the over-anxious aide as Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. The Secretary was reportedly at an "undisclosed location" and was not available for comment.

The President refused however to back down on his demand for regime change in the coaching staff at OU. "Bob Stoops is an evil man." Bush went on to warn the OU coach ,"and others of his ilk", that if he did not allow UN inspectors to come to OU to search his play books, then the USA would resort to military actions against the ruling regime in Norman. “We want to know if he is creating plays of mass destruction or not. He claims he is not; let the world know about it,” Bush said. Bush went on to predict that "the wind will blow away foreign threats as the noise of an evil covetous tyrant, the enemy of Bevo will eventually be cast to the winds in the mother of all battles".

While troops had been withdrawn Saturday night, Dan Mahoney, Oklahoma Governor Frank Keating's press director reported that a bombing campaign apparently aimed at removing the coach from power was continuing. "Apparently, the President has not heeded our calls to cease the air assault," Mahoney said. "This marks the first military action taken against Oklahoma since 1908."

"This is a confusing policy," said Todd Furman of the Cato Institute. "Bush issues a statement of regret but then continues bombing the Sooners. Just who is in control of our military strategy?" "Strange though it seems, these dueling positions actually make sense when you consider the two competing priorities of Bush's policy ever since he was elected president. One priority is protecting Texas, about which the president and many administration officials have spoken warmly. The other priority is prosecuting America's own war on terrorism. In the fall, that meant recruiting Middle Eastern members for the coalition against the Sooners; today, it means finding Arab support for the unexpected war against Bob Stoops. In either case, Texas is the loser."

A salad state?

The English have a long tradition as accomplished travel writers. So it was with some eagerness that I discovered a book by Peter Biddlecombe (don't you just love those English names?) entitled "The United Burger States of America". As I wandered the bookstore my eye landed on the cover of this paperback. It featured a cartoon cow in the shape of the USA and sliced up into states. Oklahoma was in the center.

I was familiar with this writer. He is the English version of Jay Cronley. The back cover said:

"The United States is many things to many people: to Peter Biddlecombe it's food. America, he argues, is nothing less than a Great United Bumper Burger: from the meat state of Connecticut, where the hamburger was invented in a New Haven car park .... to the french-fry state of Texas, where potato-head politicians as "Is our children learning?"

Texas the french fry state? Connecticut the meat state? Ok, so Biddlecombe doesn't seem to have in-depth knowledge of America or our food. That naivete is what makes travel writing so much fun to read. I bought it for 6 quid.

Once home I couldn't wait to read the part about Biddlecombe's travels through Oklahoma. The author had divided his book into sections based on food types: the burger states, bun states, cheese states, bacon states, salad states, french fry states, relish, ketchup, salt, fruity (yes, California), and finally, the drink states. Silly? Yes. The classification system was contrived and meaningless. Oklahoma was a "salad state", along with New Mexico, Hawaii, and North Dakota. Go figure.

On page 199 Biddlecombe gets around to Oklahoma: "And finally, of course, there is Oklahoma. Poor, innocent Oklahoma. I defy anyone to read, see or hear anything about the famous Trail of Tears and not shed a tear for the poor Indians and their families." Then in three short paragraphs Biddlecomb dispenses with poor, innocent Oklahoma by saying that we are famous for the worst race riot in American history (1921) and Timothy McVeigh and the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City (1995). That is all there is to Oklahoma according to this Englishman who obviously didn't set foot in our state. Did that stop him from slandering our 3.3 million inhabitants? Of course not. Like so many, the author probably spent 5 minutes on the internet and 2 minutes writing about his indepth research on Oklahoma.

It's lamentable that those who have never been to Oklahoma dismiss it with outdated generalities. To be dismissed is bad enough. To be dismissed out of ignorance is doubly hurtful. To have that ignorance published and distributed worldwide is literary criminality.

Insane over Hussein

The Congress on Thursday authorized war-making powers for President Bush, giving him the extra muscle he needs is his determination to free America and the world from what he says is the growing threat of Saddam Hussein's Iraq.

I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that my country is thinking of attacking a country without certain knowledge that they intend to harm us directly. Saddam is an evil man for certain, but there are a lot of evil leaders in the world today. Are we going to attack North Korea, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Sudan, and Zimbabwe next? China might be in the sights as well. Can we start attacking countries whose leaders are cruel despots? I don't think we can. We are powerful but if we try to take on all the world's bad guys by ourselves we will destroy our economy and abandon the moral highground.

The idea of us being so cocksure of ourselves and in such a rush to unilaterally attack Iraq in order to obtain "regime change" makes me wonder if the saying that "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely" can apply to the good old USA? Bush's advisors, Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz, seem determined to apply their extreme ideology to US foreign policy at all costs. Bush is in need of some level-headed advice. Hopefully, Powell will stay in there to fight for a pragmatic and principled approach to foreign policy and the Iraq matter.

I considered writing to Senators Nickles and Inhofe to let them know how unwise Bush's strategy (if he has one) is but why waste two stamps? Our two Senators are so party-loyal and right wing that I can't even think of them listening to the voices of moderation. They'd never dream of going against President Bush's position, no matter how flawed it is.

Dinosaurs & Bagels
I had a look at the new Natural History Museum at the University of Oklahoma today. It is first rate in every respect. The dinosaur and fossil exhibits are at least the equal of any museum in the country. The exhibits on Native American culture and environmental habitats in Oklahoma are excellent. It costs just $4 for adults. Unfortunately, the signage getting to the museum is inadequate. Although the museum is only about three miles from I-35 I could find no sign on I-35 to tell me which exit to take. Going south from Oklahoma City towards Dallas you take the fourth Norman exit. The museum is a jewel for Oklahoma and OU.

After the tour of the museum I stopped in at the NY Bagel cafe at Campus Corner for a bagel sandwich. This is one of the few bagel eateries left after the bagel boom of the late 90s. A couple of years ago most of the bagel places went out of business. One chain called the New York Bagel was headquartered in Stillwater but had shops all over Oklahoma and beyond. The chain became involved with a burrito chain, started phasing their shops from bagels to burritos and then to no bagels. What a loss to civilization that was. Those of us who learned to like bagels had to turn to the grocery stores for the packaged variety. $2.70 for four lousy bagels? New York Bagels please come back.

Mr. Richardson. Goodbye.

I was looking for clues to Gary Richardson's thinking and decision-making processes. As I mentioned yesterday, Richardson said he could not support a ban on cockfighting on a statewide basis. Richardson said he would handle it on a county-option basis because he did not think it right for the urban areas to tell rural counties what to do. If we carry this thinking to its "logical" conclusion we would have to ask Mr. Richardson if he believes it fair that the urban areas subsidize education in rural areas - as is currently the case. What if we extend this flawed line of thinking to the other issues the State Legislature and the Governor must deal with? Will abortion, gambling, speed laws, etc all be handled on a county option basis? Why not just abdicate all state law-making matters to the county level? Why would we need a Governor or a State Legislature at all?

Of course, anyone with the slightest sense sees Richardson's position on cockfighting as a cop-out as well as a lack of moral fiber. What do we need with such a candidate for Governor? Mr. Richardson, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Brad Henry, the Democrat candidate for Governor, says he can't support the ban on cockfighting because the penelties are too harsh. Of course, the penelties for dogfighting are exactly the same as the proposed penalties for cockfighting. Is Brad Henry also against the ban on dogfighting? Anyone with sense also sees Henry's position against the ban on cockfighting as a disingenuous cop-out. We don't need a Governor that can't manage enough spine to take a real position or one that is so loathsome as to cuddle with cockfighters.

As uncomfortable as I am with Steve Largent's extreme social conservatism, his love of the NRA, and his desire to put his religion in policy, I have to admire his principle-led decisions and his clear positions. I'm impressed with his clear opposition to the cockfighters.

My computer is back in order and we can continue our blog. It's been a week since I could get online.

The Tulsa World reports today that of the three candidates for Governor in Oklahoma only Steve Largent supports the ban on cockfighting that Oklahomans will vote on in November. Brad Henry and Gary Richardson did not support the ban. That's all I needed to know about Richardson, Henry and Largent. There is no way in the world I'd vote for Richardson or Henry now. Any "statesman" that supports cockfighting is an embarrassment to Oklahoma and to humanity.

State Rep Caught on Tape
Chad Stites, a state representative from Tulsa, has apologized for threatening and swearing at Tulsa city/county officials who ordered him to repair a burned duplex owned by his company. Representative Stites got caught when his threatening outbursts were recorded by the city workers he was trying to bully. Someone released the audiotapes to the media and Stites, who had denied he made any threats, had to "fess up". The taped conversations recorded Stites using profanity, threatening to retaliate against the workers with legislation and claiming his legislative post made him immune from code enforcement violations.

Stites', whose wife is a minister, later told the media he had not really denied making the threats, just that he had told reporters he "didn't recall making the statements. I never said I didn't make them," he said. Oklahomans may just wonder exactly what the Representative takes them for. We will see. Stites is running for re-election in his district. On November 5th the citizens have a chance to let him know if they think it is ok to abuse one's position as elected representative. The state Republican Party chairman has stated they will support Stites nonetheless.

What the citizenry doesn't know however, is just how common this type of behavior is from elected representatives. Anyone who knows a government employee knows how common it is for State Senators and Representatives and others to lean on or threaten state workers to bend or break the rules for them. The honorable bureaucrats who take their mission seriously and refuse to give in to the Legislators heavy-handed behavior are never recognized or rewarded for their integrity. Usually, they just lose their jobs.

It seems that President Bush came out swinging on Israel's destruction of Arafat's compound today. After the destruction was over the President told Sharon his actions "were not helpful". That, no doubt, will make Sharon shake in his boots. The Israeli military, great sports that they are, sent Arafat some clean underwear as a token of their esteem.

I actually spotted Steve Largent today, tooling around in his black SUV. He's working the powers hard. He needs to work the people harder. No one seems to know him.

Is there a full moon in Palestine tonight?

It's a beautiful full-moon evening in Oklahoma. The sky is clear, the temperature perfect, it's quiet. I can see the "man in the moon" from my window as I type out my thoughts. A fat spider crosses the moon man's face as it weaves a web across my window. What a perfect place to be.

It's not so perfect in many places around the world tonight. One of those places is at Palestinian leader Arafat's compound, or what's left of it. Israeli forces have been methodically blasting the compound into rubble this weekend. The Israeli press releases say they are looking for 20 wanted men that are supposedly in the compound but Israeli military leaders admit openly that the real objective is to force Arafat into exile. This is Ariel Sharon's stated wish as well. The Israelis cut off water to the compound and were even taking the air conditioners off of the one remaining building today. It's hard to feel too sorry for Arafat however. When he turned down Barak's offer to give the Palestinians 90% of what they wanted he assured Sharon's election a couple of years ago. Arafat's stupidity aside, what the Israelis are doing is nothing less than outrageous. As a democratic people they should be ashamed, not only of their leader's dishonesty, but what they have done to the Palestinian people in making them second-class citizens in their own homeland. Are they surprised that the Palestinians hate them so much? Here's one American that is pretty fed up with the cruelty and stupidity of both sides.

Ariel Sharon has been waiting for a call from President Bush, Colin Powell or Condi Rice - telling him to stop the transparent attempt to force Arafat into exile by making him homeless. No call has come. Sharon proceeds with the understanding that the Bush Administration condones his actions. President Bush may condone it but many, many people in America do not.

Muskogee Educators Crack Down on Finger Pointing and Saying "Kapow!"

As reported by the Tulsa World and Channel 6 News, a 12-year-old Creek Elementary School student was first expelled and then placed in school detention for 5 days for pointing his finger at other students and saying "kapow!" The child's mother complained to the school principal that her son's punishment was out of proportion with the crime. Muskogee school authorities defended their actions by explaining that they will not tolerate such indiscriminate "finger-play" in their schools. "You can't be too careful these days," said Bernice Hopley, a teacher at the school." "First they start pointing fingers and going "pow, pow" and the next thing you know they are mass murderers."

Idiotorial: The radioshow shockjocks are roasting the Muskogee authorities over the fire for overreacting to what some call innocent horseplay. What these "journalists" scoff at is America's serious need to secure the homeland. What the liberal media types aren't telling the public is that research has shown that what they consider mild horseplay often leads to bigger problems. Here are the facts:

Fact #1 Over 70 million people have tried pointing their fingers and saying "kapow!". Most finger pointers soon escalate to jabbing and use of the "evil eye". Indeed, for the vast majority of people, finger pointing is the first threatening act they try, a "gateway" to other threatening acts.

Fact #2 Finger pointing is the most popular threatening act in the United States today. Therefore, people who have used less popular forms of violence such as actually shooting people with real guns or stabbing people with real live knives, are likely to have first tried finger pointing.

Fact #3: Finger pointers have lower achievement, more acceptance of deviant behavior, more aggression and poorer relationships with their parents. Finger pointing and saying "kapow!" correlates with higher rates of delinquency, arrests and failure in school. Dr. Gabriel Nemo of Columbia University states that throughout history, finger pointing has been associated with mental disturbances ranging from distorted perception to schizophrenia. According to Dr. Akira Watanabe, a specialist in violent behavior, "I have never found any other gesture, including the "OK" sign, which came close to the psychic damage caused by pointing and saying kapow". Babies born to mothers who used finger pointing during pregnancy developed health problems similar to drug users.

We at OkiePundit believe the Muskogee school authorities did the right thing by severely punishing the deviant elementary school thug and snipping the finger pointing in the bud before something even more serious happened.

New Religion Founded ... Just in Time
I've just created a new religion which I am tentatively calling biboism. It is based on the revealed thought of Burns Hargis. The name is tentative because I want to have a contest to see who can come up with the best name for the new religion. If this is going to be a religion to last a thousand years it's got to have a good name. There is a reason, after all, that the Christian religion has stood the test of time and Zoroastrianism didn't. I want it to be convincing as the objective is to qualify for some of the faith-based initiative grants that the Bush Administration is showering churches with.

We have to hurry though because the GOP's giving frenzy will hit a peak before the November elections. It may be another two years before we have a chance to rake in more free money. I'm thinking we can set up a recovery center for term-limited State Senators - probably in McAlester - and qualify for tons of the public's money under the Bush faith-based program. Sure, it was designed to help Christian and Jewish groups but they really can't deny those of us on the fringe. To deny us would put their whole program in jeopardy. The Evangelicals would rather toss a little our way than to risk losing their cash cow. The way I see it, when the Senators show up at our Recovery Center we can introduce them to the Word as they receive our help. Chances are they'll see that Bibo (the spirit name for Burns Hargis) is the way to salvation and our flock will soon be both cash rich and growing - all at taxpayers expense! So send in your suggestions for a name for our religion: Send to thehoot@keromail.com

Talk among businessmen in Oklahoma these days is about how former Congressman Steve Largent is taking his election for granted. Supporters of Largent are perplexed and frustrated with Largent's lack of visibility around the state. One supporter of Largent was overheard saying that the Largent campaign had told him not to worry, that they had plenty of money to buy up TV for his ads. They plan on winning the election with overwhelming media presence. The Largent campaign seems to be cocksure of their winning position but their supporters are nervous.

Meanwhile, everyone is dumfounded that Brad Henry won the Democratic nomination to run against Largent. The expectation was that Orza was going to win, partly because Orza had been 14% points ahead of Henry in the primary in August. Henry mounted an amazing come from behind effort and closed in the last few days. The last polls had not captured his move into the lead. Henry had attacked Orza for being in favor of right-to-work and against union issues. It seemed to work with the Democratic faithful but it is likely to backfire in the general election. Right-to-work, after all was passed by popular vote in an election earlier in 2002. He may have won the primary but lost the general election.

Of course this was the plan of the Daily Oklahoman, which endorsed Brad Henry. Anyone the least familiar with the Daily Oklahoman knows it is extremely Republican and anti-union. Talk among the knowing is that the Daily Oklahoman endorsed Henry over Orza because Gaylord (owner) expected that Henry would be much less likely to beat Largent than would Orza. Orza was pro-business, wealthy, moderate, and appealed even to Republicans (which he used to be). Such a man could beat Largent and the Daily Oklahoman wasn't going to let that happen. Largent has already met with and been blessed by Gaylord. Of course, for a newspaper to endorse a candidate because it believes he can be beat by your preference is unethical. Ethical concerns such as this have rarely troubled the fervently Christian power brokers at the Daily Oklahoman
however.

The campaign ads for a number of candidates in the primaries reached extreme depths of dirt in the last few days. Orza and Henry, candidates for the Democratic nomination for Governor, both engaged in last minute mud slinging. Walters and Boettcher, Democratic candidates for US Senate also slung a lot of mud. But the worst so far was a computerized telephone call from an unidentified male making accusations against a candidate named Cloud. The message on my voice mail said claimed that Cloud had been evicted from Little League games a couple of times in recent years. The caller concluded that Cloud would not be a good statesman because he can't control his temper. If this accusation is true it might be something worth discussing but to make such accusations the day before an election is reprehensible. Who did it?

In a very unusual journalistic move, the Tulsa World on September 14th actually named the Daily Oklahoman in one of its editorials. The editorial, "Mudslinging", was a criticism of candidate Brad Henry for "smearing" candidate Vince Orza. Both are Democrats battling for their party's nomination for Governor. The World points out in their editorial that the "dirt" on Orza was actually dredged up by the Daily Oklahoman which had endorsed Brad Henry. The Daily Oklahoman is Oklahoma City's daily newspaper but its banner touts it as the "State's Newspaper". The Daily Oklahoman is much, much more conservative than the Tulsa World which tends toward moderation. Normally, the World refers to the Daily Oklahoman as the "newspaper down the turnpike" but this time the World named names.

Americans get beat up a lot in the foreign media so it's a relief when someone comes to our defense. A Leftist Briton has some kind words in this article in The Spectator.

It is a mild evening in Oklahoma. The weather has changed in the last couple of days. Rain and cooler temperatures, and autumn, have arrived. This is the best time of year in Oklahoma. To all of you Oklahoma expats around the world - wish you could see your home now.

No, the Cubans I discussed in yesterday's post were not caught yet. At least Fox News hasn't reported on their detention yet. I watched the news until 2 am last night but either Castro gave the Highway Patrol the slip or Homeland Security is keeping their arrest a secret. Wouldn't that be weird if "my" Cubans ended up detained at Guantanimo on Cuba?

I went to a diner near Route 66 today to watch and listen for scheming Middle Eastern types. If Eunice Stone can catch a virtual bevy of wrong-thinking Middle East-types in Georgia/Florida I figure if I hang out near an Interstate I could too! I want to heed the call of Attorney General Ashcroft to be the eyes and ears of the anti-terrorist police. I want to do something other than watch football games on TV. Afterall, the University of Oklahoma's game is not on free TV today. The turquoise and pink sign in front of the diner said "God Bless America!" I entered and asked the waitress to seat me in the non-smoking Arab section. "We don't have an Ay-rab section honey", she said as if she were weary of the question. "Do you have any dark people with mustaches I could sit near", I countered.

She seated me in a booth next to a man and woman who appeared, at least on the surface, to be Hispanic. I listened for some minutes but they were speaking in a foreign tongue - I think it was a Spanish-like language - perhaps Mexican or Cuban. Cuban! None of the pundits have thought of this angle yet. Not even Ashley Banfield has put her finger on the Castro - Osama connection yet. I had suspected the likelihood of a Cuba connection and had been chagrined when President Bush had omitted Havana from the Axis of Evil. Surely Jeb has filled him in? Now was my chance to close the loop by exposing Castro's involvement.

Peering over my menu and waving the meddlesome waitress away for the second time I spied what appeared to be a Cohiba-like tube protruding from the brown man's denim shirt pocket. He caught my eye. Whispering something in Cuban to the female agent accompanying him he shoved his fork into a slab of white gravy on his Melamar plate. She pulled a child agent in the booth closer to her and glanced nervously in my direction. They continued whispering to each other. By listening carefully I caught a few words. "...muy rara....bombachos.....terregosto...." "Bombachos!" I thought to myself. That sound like a bomb! I cursed myself for not taking a foreign language in highschool. As I leaned forward to try to hear better the child agent began to cry and point at me. "Darn!" "What am I gonna do now?", I thought. I bolted for the pay phone. "I've got to call the authorities before they get away." But before I could explain to the police operator the significance of the threat, I saw the Cuban agents scoot out the diner door. I hung up and followed them out. They got into a 1975 El Camino with a rust problem and drove off toward the East Coast. But not before I got their Texas license plate number and called the police back. Now I'm watching Fox News to see if they caught the Cubans on their way through Arkansas.

I met Gary Richardson for the first time this year and I'm still trying to figure him out. He is running for Oklahoma governor as an independent and, thanks to his ability to fund his on campaign startup with millions of his own, he has gotten further than any other independent in memory. But is he for real? Is he a cunning politician pulling at the populist heartstrings of Okies by playing to knee-jerk anti-authoritarians or his he an honest guy just telling the truth as he sees it? I don't know yet. When I met him my first impression was that he was practical but not an intellectual, concerned about Oklahoma but looking for the easy answers. He gave me his Plan to read, which I did. I'm still looking into the parts of his plan and will be reporting on what I find. Initially, I'm concerned that Richardson didn't do enough research before making decisions in his Plan. I see some sloppyness in his claims about the turnpikes and the state's economy. What I care about even more than what he believes in is how he arrives at his conclusions. Does he make snap decisions on important issues? Does he do his homework? Does he tell people what they want to hear? The worst type of Governor we could have is one that makes decisions without understanding the issues and the implications. I have no tolerance for sloppy research.

Gary Richardson, former Republican, started out with Paula Unruh, Republican consultant, as his campaign manager. That didn't last long before she had either quit or was dismissed. What happened?

Vince Orza (former Republican running as a Democrat for governor) has been aggressively bashing Governor Keating in his debate appearances. Orza has attacked Keating for poor management of the economy among other things. Keating has been consistently pro-business and has been more active in promoting the state and its business environment than any governor in memory. Orza won't win any points bashing Keating on economic development. Orza will need those Republican votes if he gets past the primary next week. Bad move Vince.

I tried the new hamburger at Burger King today. Not good. Tastes like chicken. Still, it's better than those greaselogs they serve at Carl's Jr.

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