Nigeria's Best Short Stories of 2004

I just love the unsolicited "Nigerian Scam" e-mails and letters that come my way. I'm sure you've received many of these and hopefully you have not been foolish enough to respond to them believing they are for real. Most, but not all, of these scams originate among Nigerian corruption rings. While I deplore these dirty scams I admire their story-telling skills and am of the opinion that these are excellent plots for either Hollywood or Bollywood. I will reprint some of my favorites here in this blog - with the understanding that if they become screenplays OkiePundit will be cut in.

Here's a recent one:

Dear Friend,
Status: U

Permit me to inform you of my desire in going into business relationship with you. Kindly bear in mind that this is not a joke or hoax, its factual in reality.

I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to its esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trustworthy person I can do business with and by the recommendations, I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business. Although our intention was not revealed.

I am Peter Ntangu Bolumbu, the only child of late Mr. John Ntangu Bolumbu, my father was a black farmer based in Zimbabwe before he was brutally murdered in a land dispute in his country as a result of land act reform by Zimbabwean president, Robert Mugabe. The new land act reform which affected the white and black farmers, resulting to massive killings by war veterans and lunatics in the society and as a result, my father was killed.

But as my father foresaw the looming danger on the 21st Oct 1999 in Zimbabwe, he told me and my mother that he has deposited $5,000,000(Five million united states dollars) with a security company in West Africa, that the money was meant for the purchase of new machineries for mechanized agriculture for the Zimbabwean farmers movement and new farms in Swaziland.

My mother and I have since the death of my father on 29th June 2000 seeking political asylums in West Africa in a camp here in Nigeria. As an illiterate, my mother called me on her side and told me that my father has made me his next of kin in the certificate of deposit as his only son. He also explained to me that it was because of his wealth that I might be killed by his associates, that I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, (such as real estate management). I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

1) To assist me in retrieving these consignments from the security company.
2) To serve as the guardian of these funds.
3) To make arrangement for me and my mother to come over to your country so that i will be able to further my education and to secure a residential permit for my mother and i in your country.Moreover, i am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful transfer of these funds to your nominated account overseas.

As an asylum seeker, we are not permitted to have bank accounts throughout the territorial zones of Nigeria. Furthermore, you can indicate your option towards assisting me, as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within seven (7) days, Please signify interest to assist me. I shall be willing to communicate with you on phone in due course. You can also get intouch with me through my alternative e-mail : pete_ntangu@urafool.com

Thanks and God bless.
Mr. Peter Ntangu Bolumbu.