Saturday, October 16, 2004

Class Action Coupons

The Center for Corporate Marketing (CCM) announced Friday that the Center is recommending that more of their corporate members solicit class action lawsuits against themselves. Speaking at the annual conference of CCM in Houston, Turpid Nordstrom said, "Jiffy Lube and Blockbuster have led the way in creating a new marketing tool and strategy for recovering business from agitated consumers. The savvy corporation can now gouge customers and still get them back with class action lawsuit coupons."

CCM spokesperson Smithfield Summers told conference attendees the key to success in the new strategy is "to shop around for a law firm willing to take a $3 or $4 million fee to settle for giving their class action clients nothing more than coupons which they must use at the corporation's stores. The stupid consumers are stuck with coupons which are useless to them unless they are willing to go crawling back to the store that ripped them off in the first place!"

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